I signed a contract today! I will be joining Ob/Gyn Associates of West Michigan in Muskegon, MI starting in July. I am so excited to get started and feel honored to be able to work with the group of women that I will be joining. I start in July if anyone needs an appointment :-). The job will allow me to do missions work for several months out of the year. I don’t know how balancing a practice and missions will end up looking, but I am jumping in and going to give it my best try!
I haven’t shared too much about Kebede, my fiance. It is, well, interesting dating someone and straddling two cultures. The things that are ingrained in us as “normal” are really just cultural norms. We have both had to compromise along the way. I can’t claim to be an expert on Ethiopian courtship or how it works. Here are a few examples as to how we have navigated through it.
In southern Ethiopia, when two people are dating, it is a secret. If you see the family of the one you are dating, you literally are supposed to run the opposite direction and hide. Now for anyone who knows me, this is NOT at all me. I am much more likely to hug you, kiss you and search for you to say hello. This was probably the hardest part for me. We did, somewhat, break this tradition, but not by much. My family and a few friends knew, but they were all sworn to secrecy. I was really excited that my mom could come and visit because I wanted her to meet the man I intended to marry. This brings us to the next tradition. Normally, the man in the relationship is to go to the family of the female and get permission to date. This permission usually has a price tag of butter, chickens, blankets, sheep, goats or cows. So, prior to my mom coming, she and Kebede skyped to set the bride price. I tried really hard to tell my mom I was worth at least five cows, while my mom was telling Kebede he didn’t need to get her anything and that if he hid in the bushes she would jump in after him. Kebede was quick to reminded us that it would be very insulting if my mom left behind any of the gift! I just kept picturing my mom convincing immigration that she HAD to bring the cows home. After a short time the “price” for me was set. It was so interesting, for me, watching Kebede that day. It was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. This was a really important thing for him and it was decided.
Most weekends, Kebede and I would go and visit his family. We didn’t tell them we were dating. I was just always there with him. It has been such a pleasure to get to know them all, to hear their stories from the week, to drink coffee together and a lot of times to just sit and watch them interact as I didn’t understand most of what was being said. Towards the end of my time in Ethiopia, Kebede’s father made the comment that earlier in the week he had been drinking tea at a shop. The lady who owned the shop mentioned that Kebede and I might be getting married. I think Kebede’s response was something like, “So, how was the tea?” The question was diverted and answered all at the same time. Now his family knew for sure.
We are now going through the immigration process, which for now, is primarily a waiting game. We hand in the papers and wait about 5, 6, 7, 8…. months. We are in our 4th month of waiting. Next week, I will be returning to Ethiopia. We wanted to do some sort of celebration with his family and friends, but we can’t get married until he comes to America, so on May 4th we are going to have a ring ceremony. I am still not exactly clear on what will happen at the ring ceremony, but I do know that we will exchange rings (that have to be identical) and then have a big meal to celebrate all that is to come. I am just elated that we will be able to celebrate with family and friends in Ethiopia. Once he has a visa, he will come over to the states and we can at last get married!
In the next few days, I have a lot going on. I will be taking oral boards (AGH!!!), packing… This reminds me. Guess what I was able to buy because of all of your generous donations?!?! A cryogun to treat precancerous lesions of the cervix. This was one of the projects I had hoped to complete before leaving Ethiopia. It is packed and ready to go. Once I get to Ethiopia, I am hoping to locate Bereket. After I returned to the US, he ran away, so I am hoping to find him while I am there. This has been heart breaking for me. He really took me leaving very badly and I blame myself, but don’t know what I could have done differently. Dr. Mark Karnes will be returning to the US for a few months, so I will be back working at Soddo Christian Hospital for about 3 weeks. Mid June, I will be returning to the US to start work. Please keep Kebede and I in your prayers. We have a lot of exciting changes coming up!
Congratulations on both your work and fiancee!!
So happy for you, Steph! You are amazing!! Hope to meet Kebede someday! XO
Congratulations!
Congratulations, Stephanie! I’m so excited for you on both counts! I hope to see you soon 🙂
Congrats on your new job…here in west Michigan:) and really I think you are worth more than 5 cows!!! Thanks for the post:)
I am so excited for you, Muskegon, and, selfishly, myself. This is even better than I had hoped for. Awesome! Safe travels and blessed celebrations with Kebede’s family! See you again soon!
Woohoo! So happy for you. Crazy how life happens and things work out just how they should – you’re in a great place, right where you deserve to be. Congrats 🙂
I wish you all the best on your plan, may God lead you in right way
Rebecca and I will most certainly keep you and Kebede in our prayers.
Yipee! Hooray! I like all your good news. I am in Olathe Ks full time now. Best, JOhn Tanksley
Well, John, I have some exciting news. I have a brother that lives in Olathe and my mom and step dad will be moving there this summer. We will have to get together next time I visit!
My question is…what did Kebede end up paying for you? Obviously, your mom did not return with 5 cows because she would have had some great stories to tell if she did. But she would have given it a great effort to get them on the plane, and Ron could have milked them twice and day and let them graze in their huge back yard! I’m also certain the neighbors would have just considered cows another part of the strange and unique Hesperia community.
We continue to pray for both of you, and for the opportunities you have. We also pray that Kebede can handle the US culture. And I’m so pleased that you are able to return to the Muskegon community. Will you be close enough to your practice to live in the house you own?
I am not sure if it is ok to share my bride price. That is why I didn’t. I know that Kebede was very excited to be able to give to her and that my mom was deeply touched by what she was given. I should have attached the picture of her and Kebede holding each other with tears.
The cows would definitely work in Hesperia. They would feel right at home with the chickens and goats next door.
This time next week, I will be done with boards and on my way to the airport. YAY!!!
You are so amazing…I am so blessed to know you!
Stephanie – I read your post with tears of happiness – thank you again for allowing me, a stranger, into your world – you have taught me so much – I pray that your beloved will soon be here with you and that you can begin your life together – I love the story of your courtship, it’s beautiful – the ring ceremony sounds wonderful – I love that you can tell us about your very private love story and then tell us about the items that you get to take back with you that will hopefully save the lives of so many women – I pray that you can find Bereket and help him to understand what is going on and get him settled – you truly are a gift that God is using – thank you – jen
I am smiling from ear to ear. I have prayed that all would work out from job to a reunion for you and Kebede and Bereket. I will continue to pray for this and happiness for you all.
Alls well that ends well with God in the middle of two people who love Him and each other.